Wow wow. This blog is some shit to come across all these years later. 10 years!

I'm learning to code now. I don't work at Mohawk anymore. I'm back at my mom's house.

SO much has happened in these 10 years.

I'm kinda sad

Kinda sad and kinda lonely.

No more beef. For now.

Since I have to wait until next Saturday to go visit with Blanca and Kimberley and Osiel, I decided to just make a day of it here in my place.  I munched the rest of the chips and finished off the block of cheddar and ⅔ of a pound of ground beef.  It (the beef) had been sitting in the fridge since last Sunday..... I had to finish it.

I hate my body though.  I feel it jiggling and my head looks too small for my massive body.  Last Wednesday I weighed 239.6 lbs.  I want to see 199.  So I need to stop fucking gorging.

I'll eat pure eggs, spinach, banana shakes. 

- popcorn is fine.  Limit the butter.
- something sweet to have with coffee.
- buy an apple or two.  Don't buy a whole bag and let them go to waste.

I gave up smoking.  I stopped drinking.  I can stop eating so damn much too!

I can't go see them today,

they're going to the fair.

Here I am in my room. 

Go to the gym.  Just go.  At least go to the gym.

Exercise habits. I feel fat.

On Tuesday Blanca told me to go to the gym.  I went Wednesday morning and put in a good hour of strength and cardio.  Then on Thursday, I got distracted by my account being frozen, so I didn't go in the gym like I planned, but I still worked out.  That evening I took an Ativan and slept straight through to 5:30 Friday morning.  I had an idea to go in the gym after work, but didn't have shorts so I went home.  I ate a snack.  Then I snacked some more.  Then I lied down and, surprise surprise, went to sleep.  That was a deep sleep too!

Now here I am Saturday morning and I am thinking about napping, then going to the gym a little later, in an hour or so, so my food has a chance to digest.  I ate a whole wheat sandwich round with peanut butter upon waking, and later munched on cheddar pieces with kettle chips. (On the subject of kettle chips, I need to remember to search why we crave crunchy foods like that...) 

So I'm not really eating healthy.  I say to myself that I have kind of a free pass on the weekend to eat whatever, but that moves into the weekdays often.  I did good this week, but I can do better.

I need to make a schedule though, what days I'm going to exercise and what exercises I'm going to do and work my diet/eating schedule into it.  2 days of rest.  Sunday and... maybe Thursday.  I'm not sure. 

Hmmm.

Kim sent four messages last night

Blanca only sent one at 11:30 saying she'd been waiting for a call since 7:30.

I was dead asleep.

I feel bad about it, I didn't want to read the messages.  I need to stop doing that.  I make promises and then fall asleep on them.

This is why I live alone.

Ohhh my quads hurt

Can't walk too fast or squat without holding on to something... this always happens when I jump back into the gym.... but it's OK.  Got to keep going this time 'cause.... well, just because.  I want to.  *Plus* Blanca says so. (She says to eat less too, though... that's always a challenge though again I am really thinking on that and trying.)

The way she crawled onto my lap the other night... oh man.  She wants to see a six pack.  I'm gonna do my best to show her one.  ;-)