I'm kinda sad

Kinda sad and kinda lonely.

No more beef. For now.

Since I have to wait until next Saturday to go visit with Blanca and Kimberley and Osiel, I decided to just make a day of it here in my place.  I munched the rest of the chips and finished off the block of cheddar and ⅔ of a pound of ground beef.  It (the beef) had been sitting in the fridge since last Sunday..... I had to finish it.

I hate my body though.  I feel it jiggling and my head looks too small for my massive body.  Last Wednesday I weighed 239.6 lbs.  I want to see 199.  So I need to stop fucking gorging.

I'll eat pure eggs, spinach, banana shakes. 

- popcorn is fine.  Limit the butter.
- something sweet to have with coffee.
- buy an apple or two.  Don't buy a whole bag and let them go to waste.

I gave up smoking.  I stopped drinking.  I can stop eating so damn much too!

I can't go see them today,

they're going to the fair.

Here I am in my room. 

Go to the gym.  Just go.  At least go to the gym.

Exercise habits. I feel fat.

On Tuesday Blanca told me to go to the gym.  I went Wednesday morning and put in a good hour of strength and cardio.  Then on Thursday, I got distracted by my account being frozen, so I didn't go in the gym like I planned, but I still worked out.  That evening I took an Ativan and slept straight through to 5:30 Friday morning.  I had an idea to go in the gym after work, but didn't have shorts so I went home.  I ate a snack.  Then I snacked some more.  Then I lied down and, surprise surprise, went to sleep.  That was a deep sleep too!

Now here I am Saturday morning and I am thinking about napping, then going to the gym a little later, in an hour or so, so my food has a chance to digest.  I ate a whole wheat sandwich round with peanut butter upon waking, and later munched on cheddar pieces with kettle chips. (On the subject of kettle chips, I need to remember to search why we crave crunchy foods like that...) 

So I'm not really eating healthy.  I say to myself that I have kind of a free pass on the weekend to eat whatever, but that moves into the weekdays often.  I did good this week, but I can do better.

I need to make a schedule though, what days I'm going to exercise and what exercises I'm going to do and work my diet/eating schedule into it.  2 days of rest.  Sunday and... maybe Thursday.  I'm not sure. 

Hmmm.

Kim sent four messages last night

Blanca only sent one at 11:30 saying she'd been waiting for a call since 7:30.

I was dead asleep.

I feel bad about it, I didn't want to read the messages.  I need to stop doing that.  I make promises and then fall asleep on them.

This is why I live alone.

Ohhh my quads hurt

Can't walk too fast or squat without holding on to something... this always happens when I jump back into the gym.... but it's OK.  Got to keep going this time 'cause.... well, just because.  I want to.  *Plus* Blanca says so. (She says to eat less too, though... that's always a challenge though again I am really thinking on that and trying.)

The way she crawled onto my lap the other night... oh man.  She wants to see a six pack.  I'm gonna do my best to show her one.  ;-)

El día de las madres.

Happy Mexican mother's day! Plan to get a card en español and get both Kimberly and Osiel to sign it for Blanca.  :-)  And maybe to go snooping around the jewelry section in Kohl's.....